Here are three situations that would normally engender negative feelings. For each, indicate how you would express your negative feelings and also preserve and even improve the relationship you have with this other person.
1. You have called your friend, Jane, the last four times but she never seems to call you. You feel hurt and annoyed that Jane doesn't take the initiative and call you. You decide you have to tell her how you feel.
2. You and Ted have made an appointment to go to breakfast at 9 o'clock but Ted shows up at 10:30 with only a general and seemingly flimsy excuse. You have been waiting since 9 and are angry that he doesn't seem to care about the time you wasted. Since you don't want this to happen again, you decide to tell him how you feel.
3. You’ve been dating Chris for about six weeks. Everything seemed to be going fine until your birthday when Chris simply sent you a card. You expected something more. After all, you have been dating each other exclusively for six weeks. You feel that this shows that Chris does not really place much importance on the relationship and you want to get this feeling into the open.
1.Why is it more difficult for most people to express negative rather than positive feelings?
2.Does your culture influence your willingness to express negative feelings?
3.Are men and women expected to communicate negative feelings in different ways?
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Monday, February 22, 2010
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How we expressing negative feeling also preserve and even improve the relationship with other people...
1)Talk with her face to face. Tell her about your feeling when she do like that.
-To improve it..
-she should give a reason why she didn't answer your call.
-dont do again and should apologise
-she must realize that you love her and take care about her..
2)You need to tell him why he late and give the reason why. Tell him what do you feel about him..what do you feel when he need to waiting him about 1 hour and half.You also feel sad and angry with his attitude.
To preserve and improve it..
-He should callor text a message to tell that he late.
-He also dont do this again because it can only make people angry and hate you.
-He need to be responsible and panctual person.
-You also must concern about his feeling or other people.
-To be a good friend in relationship he need to advice and always remember he about the important thing.
-He also need to concern about the time and dont take simple about the date.
-He must take serious what ever he do.
3)She tell him that it is the first time she celebrate her birthday with he. She expecting that exclusive from him like present,flowers or so on. But he only gift her a card. I really appreciate that but she want more and feel that he dont take this seriously. She ask he " Am I important to you?? By the way she really love him and will try to understand his style.
To preserve and improve it...
-He need to care about her feeling.
-He must take this seriously and think the best things to celebrate her birthday.
-Make sure that she did not feel sad and think that you do not love her.
-Tell her that it is only you have and able to give her.
-In relationship they need know and understand each other.
-Beside that, tolerate and honest must have in relationship.
-Give something that she can remember and appreciate it in her life..
The activities..
1) Why people difficult to express negative rather than positive feelings?
Answer: Some people cannot accept the negative feeling about them and also they too sensitif and always think they are right.Plus, It also want to care about people feelings.
2)Does your culture influence your willingness to express negative feelings?
Answer: Yes, because our culture is very concern about the people feeling. It also want to maintain the relationship with each other. In a Malay culture it famous with the polite social behaviour,kindness and so on.
3)Are men and women expected to communicate negative feeling in different ways?
Answer: Yes, because men always express their feelings with directly or face to face communication. They like to be a heroes and also have a high level of ego. For the women are sensitif person and just keep their feeling but it also show a sad feeling when they lost something that important to them..
GROUP MEMBER OF ISD2E5:
1)AIN AMALINA BT HUSSIN (2009862142)
2)NURUL FARHANA BT NORUDDIN (2009241404)
3)SITI ARFFAH BT ABD KADIRI (2009214232)
4)SITI SAKINAH BT LAUZAN (20098866122)
How we expressing negative feelings.
situation 1:
I will keep the anger feeling because Jane is my friend. I think this problem is small and think positive.
situation 2:
I will slow talk with him and ask for the reason why he come late.
situation 3:
I will upset and disappointed because I expected more surprise for my birthday. this situation make me thinks that he does not take too serious in our relationship.
activities...
1) They are more difficult to express negative rather than positive feelings because they do not want to make their friends hurt. I think the problems is small and can handle in a good way. Furthermore, I do not want to make our relationship become more worst.
2) No. our culture did not influence our willingness to express negative feelings. That is because our culture famous with good manners, politely, kind and soft spoken.
3) Yes. Men and women expected to communicate negative feelings in different ways. We can observed a men, they express their feelings with harsh words, like they fight with each others. But in another hand, women express their feelings with talk to their friends smoothly.
GROUP MEMBER OF ISD2E5
1)DAHLIA BINTI MOHD SALEH (2009872444)
2)NIK NUR AMALIENNA BINTI NIK YUSOF FAUZI
(2009600798)
3)SITI NAZLIA BINTI JURI (2009838548)
4)NOR SHAFIZAH BINTI MOHD TAUFIK (2009686036)
3)
SITUATION 1
I fell so angry and tired of calling her because I have called her about 4 times.
Solving problem:
-I hope in future Jane would be more concerned and reply my call to avoid from important massage received to her.
SITUATION 2
I felt so angry, disappointed and it really wasting my time for waiting for him in about an hour and 30 minutes. He seems do not respect with my precious time, he also gave unreasonable excuses.
Solving problem:
-I hope Ted more punctual in next dating and alert with the time that I wasted for doing nothing .At least call me that he will late or other initiative beside giving unreasonable excuses. Hope this will be the first and last time him doing this mistake.
SITUATION 3
My heart a little bit hurt and disappointed with Chris because he does not show any effort to make me happy in my birthday. I do not know who I am in his life.
Solving problem:
-Must become positive thinking that Chris might be busy and do not have enough time to prepare the present for my birthday. Next time, I will openly told him what I was hoping from him.
QUESTION 1
The reason why it is difficult to express negative feeling beside positive were because we to afraid that we will hurt others feeling and others will misunderstand with our behaviour.
QUESTION 2
Yes, this because mostly in our culture teach us good moral value and since child we been educate do not to hurt others and respect others feeling. It shown that our culture become influence in how we express the negative feeling.
QUESTION 3
Truthfully yes, those different genders give different way in showing negative feeling, such as men usually show their negative feeling through physical beside women kept the anger feeling and using verbal to express the bad feeling.
GROUP MEMBER OF ISD2E5
1.Wan Nor Azian Binti Wan Abdullah
(2009466896)
2.Noranis Binti Abu Bakar
(2009497942)
3.Nur Hawadah Binti Mohd Yusof
(2009874094)
4.Anis Izzurain Binti Ahmad Kamal
(2009659242)
First situation,
I will be angry with Jane's attitude.
The way to do not broke the relationship, I give her advice for do not do it again.
So, it is the positve way I choose.
Second situation,
I will be angry with Ted' attitude. He is not punctual.
To care the relationship, I will give his advice for punctual in time. I want he think what the other people feel if he do it again and again.
So, it is the positive way I choose to do not broken the heart or feel sad.
Third situation,
I feel sad with Chris's action.
Because of I love his and to care my relation with his, I want to talk with his in private. Besides that, I will talk ti his in straight to the point.
So, it is also I choose positive way to do not feel sad with this relationship.
Based on the Questions;
1) Most people want to take care about others feelings and also want to avoid fighting or conflict.
2) Yes, because of racial differences and gender difference.
3) No, because men will talk straight forward but the women will think first about the others feeling before she is talk.
THAT ALL... THANK YOU.
FROM;
NUR SYAZWANI BINTI ABU HASSAN ; 2009463804
NOR WAHIDA BINTI MOHD ROSLI ; 2009465978
NUR SHAFIQAH BINTI MOHD SHAH ; 2009833856
NUR ARIFAH BINTI ABDUL RAHAMAN ; 2009666932
situation 1 :
- i will face to face with Jane.hence i'll slow talk to her, and tell her i am tired of her attitude and remind her not to do it again. I will ask her to say sorry to me.
situation 2:
- first, i will expressing my feeling, unsatisfied with Ted. then i'll tell to him to be punctual and give him punishment pay for the meal or shopping :). then i'll ask him to make promise to not do it again.
situation 3:
-i will asked about the feeling towards ourselves and mention about other people relationship. i will asked him how he would feel if i do the same thing to him back.
discuss about the relationship.
question 1:
- to avoid people's feeling to get hurt
- protects and preserve the relationship
- avoid conflict
question 2:
( malay culture)
-usually use gunnysacking
-using metamessages.
-depends on the third person to express our feeling for us.
question 3 :
YEs ! :)
Women:
- emotional.
-straight forward.
-gunnysacking
=easy temper and anger
men :
-keep quite.
-keep cool
-gunnysacking
-using non verbal msg if have conflict between same gender
members:
hamizah selamat samsi
insyirah aina syamimi
farah izyan
anisah idris
salam sir isma...
this is my group answer...
situation 1
-to solve the problem without ruining the relationship using slow talk way with Jane.tell her that i don't like the way her treat me and make her undersatnd my feeling.in that case there is no hurt others feeling.
situation 2
-for this situation i will use indirect message to tell him.it like teasing him and make him feel guilty for his attitude.after that being honest with him and tell him that he must change his attitude.
situation 3
-this is so simple,if me i will tell the boy about my feeling and ask a confirmation from his, if he really like me or only want me as a friend.being open...
answer for...
question 1
-it is dificult because it something that is usual.it natural tadency for human,only expressing positive feeling rather than negative.
question 2
-yes...culture play a main role in influence our willingness to express negative feelings.
question 3
-men and women have their own way in communicate negative feelings.men and women way doesn't same...
thank you...
my group member...
*nor zulaika bt.dolah
*nur liyana bt.ahmad husni
*fatin hazwani bt.zaini
*nur mahirah bt.maizan
SALAM SIR ISMA..
FIRST SITUATION,
FIRSLY,SLOW TALK WITH JANE OF COURSE BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST STEP TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS.DISCUSS WITH FACE TO FACE AND TELL HER THAT YOU ARE TIRED WITH THIS SITUATION AND HER ATTITUDES.TELL HER THAT AND HOPELY SHE WILL CHANGES HER ATTITUDES AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS..
SECOND SITUATION,
MAYBE I CAN TELL HIM THAT I REALLY UPSET WITH HIS ATTITUDES AND SAYS THAT IN LIFE WE MUST HAVE DISCIPLINE TO MAKE OUR LIFE MORE PROPER.SO BEING LATE IS THE ONE OF PROBLEMS THAT LEAK OF DISCIPLINE ATTITUDES.OF COURSE I'M VERY ANGRY WITH HIM AND I WILL TRY TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEMS.
THIRD SITUATION,
IN THIS CASE, I WILL TELL ABOUT MY FEELING TO HIM IN DIRECTLY AND OPEN MINDED IN THIS SITUATION.I WILL NOT SIMPLY ANGRY WITH HIM AND TRY YO DISCUSS WITH EACH OTHER.SIMPLE LIFE RIGHT!!!.....
THE ANSWERS:
QUESTION 1,
BECAUSE IT IS NATURE AND EXPRESS IN NEGATIVE WAY IS THE USUALLY HAPPEN IN OUR DAILY LIFE.SOMETIMES WE DO NOT THINK DEEPLY AND JUST THINK TO EXPLODE OUR FEELING TO SOMEONE.SO THAT'S WHY WE ALWAYS EXPRESS OUR FEELING IN NEGATIVE WAY...
QUESTION 2,
YES OF COURSE.
IT IS BECAUSE,MALAY CULTURE TEACH US MANNERS AND GOOD MORAL VALUES IN OUR ENTIRE LIFE.IT DOESN'T TEACH US TO BE RUDE,NO MANNERS,POLITELY,SOFT SPOKEN AND OTHERS.
QUESTION 3,
YES.
IT IS BECAUSE WOMEN ARE MORE SENSITIVE,INDIRECTLY IN COMMUNICATION,AND EMOTIONAL COMPARED TO MEN.
MEN AS WELL ARE NOT SENSITIVE WITH OTHERS FEELING AND JUST DIRECTLY IN COMMUNICATION.MAYBE MEN DOESN'T CARE ABOUT IT SO THEY MORE EXPRESS THERI FEELING IN NEGATIVE WAY.
NORHANISSA FAZREENA BT MOHAMED NORDIN
(2009851482)
NUR ADIBAH BT HASNOL
(2009866064)
SITI NOR HAMIZAH BT ABDUL RAHAMAN
(2009233824)
AINOR FARHA BT ABDUL GAFAR
(2009641858)
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